Wedding plans are coming along nicely. The invitations have been sent out. Ariel did a terrific job on them. They're really gorgeous; I never would have imagined Walmart would have such exquisite items. The mailman has to make a trip down our driveway and up the sidewalk to the porch about once a week now, with wedding doo-dads trickling in. Ariel found a fantastic one-day-only deal on the Knot.com for pearly white disposable cameras - $3.70 each! We ordered eight, one for each table, and they came in a few days later. I saw right away why they were so cheap - June 2009 is the expiration date. I'm sure they'll be fine in July.
The big order from Oriental Trading came in; the white folding fans, lilac tulle drawstring bags, bride and groom toilet paper, and wedding bells trash can cover. I decided last weekend we'd have a family cookout and get started on some of the crafty things - tying the organza ribbons onto the fans and filling the drawstring bags with birdseed. We had a great time. After we'd eaten and cleared the table, Ariel and I brought up the fans and bags from the basement and all of us (except Fred, who sat in the living room and watched tv) fancied up the fans. Ariel had another of her typically wonderful ideas: she brought the purple bride and groom stick figure rubber stamp and ink pad up from the basement and stamped each fan. Now they're customized! Sure, a couple of the brides are a little sketchy, and a couple of the grooms are a bit lop-sided, but after all the alcohol at the reception, Eric is liable to be a bit lop-sided himself. Warning: Oriental Tradings' white paintable fans are a terrific deal at only $5.99 a dozen,
but they are of a very inferior quality. Hard to open, harder to close. We set up an assembly line: Eric pried the stubborn things open, Ariel stamped them, Charming cut ribbon lengths, Cinderella tied ribbons on, and I reclosed them and stacked them in their basket. There were a couple I just could not get closed, so I passed them over to Eric, who said curiously, "What did you DO to this thing?" He finally got them shut, though. Those two are the bottom of the basket. We filled the drawstring bags with birdseed. Each bag had a white label almost a third the size of the bag inside, so Ariel and I took scissors and cut the tags out. Eric tried valiantly to close the first one. "This one's defective; I got a defective one," he said, in a tone reminiscent of Julia Roberts with her opera glasses, in Pretty Woman. Ariel took the bag wordlessly and tied it closed.
We gave Eric the job of funneling the birdseed into the bags.
That bride and groom toilet paper! Now, you'd think at $2.99 a roll, the roll would be a decent size, wouldn't you? WRONG! Look at this comparison with a double roll of Charmin:
Pitiful, jes' plain pitiful.
Ariel merely rolled her eyes at the plastic wedding bell trash can cover.
Quite a view RSVPs have already been returned, with all of them expected in about ten more days. Once we have a final head count, we will buy the plates and napkins, and have another fun crafty day stamping the bride and groom onto them and tying up the plasticware bundles in the black napkins. It'll most likely be just the three of us this time around, though, or maybe we can convince Cinderella to come without Charming. Charming, never one to sit idly, has taken a summer job, building fences for a company owned by the parent of one of his students. The first week, he worked 68 hours, then had gigs two nights in a row on Nashville's Second Avenue with his rock band, Ten56. I'm rather surprised Fred didn't mention me taking a night off work to go hear the band; not that I would have done it, but I am surprised he didn't suggest it. The music they play is what I call 'screaming rock,' not at all to my taste. Now, if they'd learn some old Beatles and Monkees songs...
I was able to scrounge up thirty nine pots in various sizes for flowers for the ceremony. Walmart had outdoor spray paint at good prices, so I've painted those ugly old pots sand, beige, and terra cotta. They look terrific. There were only seventeen pots intially. Fred: "Seventeen?! Why in the world do you need SEVENTEEN pots of flowers?" You can imagine his chagrin at having to help me dump Miracle Grow potting soil into THIRTY NINE pots. Just the other day, as we were driving down I-24, I spotted a nice big sturdy nursery pot someone had tossed into the median. "Ooohh! Look!" I yelled excitedly. "What is it?" Fred said, braking in alarm. "A pot! Let's get that pot!"
He just kept driving.
I planted vincas in purple and white, impatiens in purple and pinkish lilac, verbena in white and several shades of purple, bright yellow marigolds, and something else (what was that?) with tiny fragile, soft lilac blooms. Everything is thriving, except for the largest pots of impatiens. I finally figured out what was ailing them: deer. Deer have been feeding on my tender purple impatiens at night! My lovely tiny babies are being violated in the middle of the night, and here I am, at the post office, unable to defend them! I did some research online and found that impatiens are like candy to Bambi and company. Well, that's great, just great. What to do now? I exhumed the worst of the pitiful remains of my blooms, and replanted vincas in their place. If that doesn't stop the midnight snacking, I'll try one or more of the other recommended methods: nylon stocking with human hair inside (I could use a haircut, anyway); hanging mirrors or tinfoil strips; human urine, predator urine or droppings ("Oh, Fre-ed! Would you come out and pee on my impatiens, please?"); deodorant soap (wonder if little bars of Quality Inn and Mickey Mouse soaps would work?); or dried blood bloodmeal in a cloth bag.
What in the world is dried blood bloodmeal?
Incidentally, I also found, on one website, that crushed impatiens leaves are a great natural remedy for everything from burns to mosquito bites to brown recluse spider bites! Who'da thunk it?
Well, obviously, the deer thunk it. Duh.
Looks like I'll have to be using some of the above methods. I came home early from work tonight and as I coasted down the driveway, my headlights caught three deer dispersing from the area where I am cultivating my wedding garden. "Noooooooo....!" I said aloud. Sure enough, they'd been at it again. My best pot, too! Now it has beautiful impatiens, already overflowing the pot, on one side, while the other side is a mass of gnawed stems. Dadgum deer.
I sure hope Fred has a full bladder this morning.
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